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britney sneers
12/20/2005 = 01:19 PM

Caution: Vituperation Alert.

Just when I thought the universe couldn't possibly find one more thing for me to care less about before the end of this calendar year, along comes Britney Spears and her version of the Dirty Movie Scandal.

Okay, not to be mean, but — no, I lied. Definitely to be mean.

Britney, you are so very, very stupid.

No, I'm not going to dignify it by calling you "naïve." That adjective is for people who haven't had the life lessons yet, not for idiots like you, who've had life lesson after life lesson handed to you upon a silver platter, yet you choose to ignore every single one, trusting your cuteness, your talent, or your mama to get you out of sticky situations.

Wake up and smell the formula, kiddo.

Whatever cuteness you had (debatable) has been sucked away by your husband. Knowing his history (especially as recently as his leaving his baby-mama to be with you) should have been a giveaway as to what a pisspoor choice of baby-daddy you yourself made, and yet, somehow, it wasn't. And it shows all over you. There isn't a smidgen of redeeming endearingness left to you, if there ever was any to begin with (again, debatable).

We could talk about your career if you'd like, but I've always personally thought you were a manufactured article, created by airbrushes, a stylist, a personal trainer, a choreographer, and a really really talented sound studio engineer. Leaving all that out of the equation, have you even had anything remotely resembling a release (let alone a hit) lately? Because it seems all the news I hear about you of late is about your personal life, not your so-called career.

And even your mama's bound to get tired of hearing you say, "But I didn't know!" sooner or later.

Can't I please look at the news and get some actual news instead of some bullshit about you and your abysmal stupidity?

I never had any use for you before, Britney Spears, and I've got less use now than I ever did, if such a thing were possible.

Go. The Fuck. Away.

Sorry about that. I'll be nice again tomorrow.

drinking: a big steaming cup of hatorade
listening to: the roaring of blood in my ears
should have: included a glossary — that's a lot of big words for dear britney