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not to be a downer, but ...
01/04/2006 = 04:45 PM

... when can we stop saying "Happy New Year" and start just Getting On With It again?

Due to fact that the Fates can't stand for us, as a species, to be happy for more than a few days in any given year, they're bringing the Very Bad Things: landslides, collapsed skating rinks, raised hopes about trapped miners followed three hours later by dashed dreams and ruined lives.

How this story managed to make it into the news is beyond me, but I'll be fucked if I'm going to question it.

We won't talk about my first day back at work after the holidays, except to say that there had better be a cupcake somewhere in my future.

We also won't talk about my second day back at work after the holidays, except to say that there had better be sprinkles on that mutha.

I got a spam from sender "Bill W." My first thought was, "Hey ... how'd you get my email address?"

You saw it here first: Golf Widow's Path to Hell, 2006 Season.

This year, I have resolved to have more money.

I have not yet figured out how to do this, but I'm not going to let a little detail like that stop me. So far, I figure my best option is to sell my body on the streets. Do you think I can get extra if I were to sell it by the pound?

Dear Hollywood Powers-That-Be:

If you can't be arsed to come up with a new idea, you could at least stop with the remaking films that were already good and remake one that only got made (in a not-great version) because the director cut all the good bits out to lose its "Condemned" status.

Sincerely,

Golf "I Think Body and Soul Deserves Not Just a Recut, But a Whole New Filming" Widow

P.S. I do, however, want to thank you for not wanting to produce a new film version of Carmen starring Jennifer Lopez. Maybe there are some miracles left in the world after all.

Dear Ladies' Room User:

There is not a single reason I can think of for me to have been able to walk into a stall and know that you had corn for lunch.

Ew. And, may I add, ew.

Sincerely,

Golf "It Was Not Broken, Because I Was Able to Flush It, and Besides, If It Had Been Broken, You Should Have Reported It" Widow

P.S. Ew.

P.P.S. Ew.

drinking: raspberry fruit₂o
listening to: Marah, Formula Cola Dollar Draft
also: ew.