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i'm awake, i'm awake
01/16/2006 = 10:34 AM

I had a nice handful of insomnia-induced brain confetti at hand, ready to be tossed in your faces to get the party started, but this was an eye-opener for the day, definitely worth sharing, so I'll save the confetti for another time.

The following is an open letter to anyone who has been nominated for any online diarist/blogging awards, and is being unsportsmanlike about it.

This excludes anyone who is genuinely honored and flattered, and who is not spreading nasty snark about the other nominees. You know into which category you fall.

I want to stress, because it bears repeating, that most people who get nominated for web awards are deserving, genuinely talented, and are gracious winners and graceful runners-up. You're honored by the nomination (as would I be, if I ever got one, which I haven't, not that I'm bitter) and you are not the people to whom the following letter is directed.

All right? On we go.

Dear Better Blogger Than I Am Any Day of the Week, So There:

Congratulations on your nomination for [insert name of diarist/blogging award here]. As usual, I have not been nominated in any category. And, as usual, I am very jealous of your writing talent. Also of your popularity, since I have heard that some of these "best of" voting sites are very elitist and that one cannot even be considered if one does not have the proper connections, clique-wise.

What an accomplishment this is. Tell me ... what is the prize?

A graphic? That you can place on your website? Oh, that's pretty! I can make those in Photoshop, but it wouldn't be official, would it? Still, that's really nice.

The accolades. Yes, that'd definitely be worth it to me. And the increased traffic to your site ... well, you know I'm an attention whore. I could definitely get behind that.

Of course, I'll never be as good (popular) as you, so I'm forced to settle for having won the Everyday Hogwash award instead.

I got a link back, so my traffic might go up a little bit. But no, you're right, they don't give me a pretty graphic. So you're still better than I am.

Mind you, Everyday Hogwash has awarded me a $200 prize, so I'll be crying all the way to the bank.

Sincerely,

Golf "You Can't Pay for a Cup of Shut-Up with a Web Graphic" Widow

They notified me a bit late, or this would have been number one on my Lucky Thirteen List. 'Cos, damn.

At the end of the week, Everyday Hogwash will open voting for the best Everyday Hogwash of the Week, and the attention whore that is me will, at that time, be posting a link to it and begging shamelessly for your votes.

But if you don't like mine best, I won't hate you for voting for someone else. Really, I won't. And I won't smacktalk my competitors either, like some people (you know, the people to whom the above letter was directed).

However, I will be sad. And I will stoop to guilt if I have to.

I want to win. I do. Does that really make me such a horrible person?

drinking: von dutch energy beverage fizzy-lifting drink
listening to: Bliss, Quiet Letters
two hundred bucks: goes a long way toward validating the weirdness in my head