<< prev = comments [9] = pings [0] = next >>


jerks ii
03/30/2006 = 05:54 AM

I have been wanting to write a letter to Kevin Smith, something along the lines of

Dear Kevin:

You're not, like, a huge star yet (give it time) but neither are you unknown. Stop with the injudicious namedropping. You don't have to impress us with the elbows you're rubbing against. The story would've been just as effective, especially in the forum you were speaking, if you'd substituted "a relatively well-known starlet" for "Nicole Richie."

Also, you can just as easily emphasize Jason Mewes' success in battling his demons without going into detail about what those demons are. He's not unknown either.

The press is fully aware that you're a smart guy with a lot to say, and they're waiting for you to say it so they can be the first to (mis)quote you. Don't play to them.

As for us — well, I can't speak for everyone, but you pretty well had me from lasagna.

Sincerely,

Golf "If You're Reading This, My Best Friend Wants to Run Away With You" Widow

But then I started overanalyzing it. (What? Me? .:cue innocent whistling:.)

Yeah.

Look.

Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes are best friends.

Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie  are  were  are  best friends.

When Paris and Nicole stopped being friends, Paris said, "[Nicole] knows what she did."

And there went their television careers.

(Um, why do they need television careers? Millions of starving, talented actors in LA alone and the legacy rich kids are getting all the good jobs. Oh, let's not go there.)

So watch, right? If "what Nicole did" was to take a drunken eight-second bronc-ride on Jason Mewes (Paris Hilton's co-star in Bottoms Up) and come off looking like a less-than-posh slag in public, and she was my best friend, I'd be pissed, too.

But we have our careers to think of, and they don't want me to do my show without my partner.

So we have to make up.

Who better to help us mend the rift than Kevin Smith, Jason Mewes hetero-lifemate?

What I'm saying is, maybe Kevin dropped that slagbomb during that speech on purpose, knowing he'd be misquoted, knowing Nicole would appear posh again, because who would believe that, for reals, and then Paris and Nicole could go be friends on television again and make lots of money to help support their families in times of need. .:coff:.

I certainly hope I'm right.

I mean, I'm not thrilled with the concept of Kevin Smith manipulating the press, but in LA, it's survival of the fittest.

Besides, I'd be even less thrilled with the concept that perhaps Kevin feels he needs to rely on the injudicious namedropping so people will believe he's Mr. Big Stuff.

I'm already impressed by his status. Kevin Smith is rubbing elbows. I've never even seen a celebrity elbow from a non-starstruck standpoint.

But Kevin Smith is near and dear to my heart not for the company he keeps, but for his writing. I read or hear a collection of words put together in resonance with my brain waves and the arranger of said words is my hero.

Maybe in LA, it's not what you know, it's who you know. But, big as LA is, the rest of the country, the rest of the planet, the rest of the universe ... is bigger than Hollywood. Really. And on this planet, you know, the one with the blue water and the fluffy white clouds, it is, overall, what you know.

The most intelligent thing I ever heard come out of Nicole Richie's mouth has been "Ewww."

In fact, it was said in reference to Jason Mewes.

Coincidence? Or maybe she thought she was making a poem.

Whatever.

I'm going to hop off of my Z-list soapbox now. Thanks for playing.

drinking: coffee
listening to: Death Cab for Cuties, Transatlanticism
current cookie jones: sugar wafers