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the golfwidow report
05/09/2006 = 08:03 AM

For informative and deep, please see the rest of the internet which, if it isn't genuinely informative or deep, at least believes it is, very fervently, so it should suit your needs ideally.

In here, on the other hand, I am all about the brain confetti.

Such as: "Did Tom Cruise eat South Park's sense of humor?"

And: "If he did, what tasted better — South Park's sense of humor or Katie Holmes' placenta?"

Answer: They both tasted funny. Get it? I suh-lay me.

(I also heard Katie's already got her figure back less than a month after pulling the pillow out from under her shirt giving birth.)

As long as we're ragging on the celebrities anyway, how do you know if you're Spoiled?

1. You come from an affluent family and, instead of using your given opportunities for philanthropy, self-education, the arts, or any number of endeavors that we poor folk would love to have the money to support, you appear on the red carpet and reality television and portray yourself as a complete idiot and a bit of a skank.
2. You can afford the most healthful and nutritious meals, and a personal chef or dietician to assist you in making sensible food choices, not to mention not having to scrape by and worry about possibly getting sick without having health insurance, so you deliberately make yourself too skinny in order to look fashionable whilst portraying yourself as a complete idiot and a bit of a skank.
3. Your last name is "Richie." (Honestly. If it wasn't already, we'd be nicknaming you that anyway.)

Dear Adam Sandler:

Your dogs are Meatball and Matzoball respectively. I beg of you to do right by your child.

Sincerely,

Golf "Your Mother Will Still Say that the Kid Is So Cute She Could Just Eat Him or Her Up" Widow

Tags: Tom Cruise, Nicole Richie, Adam Sandler, charity, golf, Hanahoe Children's Clinic

It's that time of year again ...

CLICK!

If you donate to That Man's Paypal, he'll know who you are and tell me to put you on this year's shirt, but if you donate directly to the United Way or mail your donation directly to the clinic, I have no way of knowing what a nice thing you did unless you tell me. So note me or comment me and I'll add your name to the Shirt of Much Tackiness.

Here are my latest heroes:

Art
Boxx (locked - but ask her for a password)
Bud Buckley
Cabin-Boy
Cosmic
Dixie
fuzzy-grey
Michael Manning
sallydallydo
trishtastic
warcrygirl

Click here to see the 2005 shirt

drinking: full throttle energy beverage fizzy lifting drink
listening to: Santo and Johnny, Sleepwalk
best entertainment rumor of the week: futurama is coming back