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the virtual pampered chef party
08/12/2006 = 08:43 PM

Okay, so Amy still hasn't bothered to set up her Pampered Chef website, nor to tell me anything that might help me help her set it up, so maybe, what, she doesn't want to sell anything?

She's going to, whether she likes it or not.

This party is not going to suck if I have anything to say about it.

It'll be a bitch to order — we're going to have to do things the long way 'round — but the food will be good, and so will the entertainment. Maybe she'll be set up next time I want to have an online party.

So, let's start with how to order, if you're so inclined.

Go here: http://www.pamperedchef.com/our_products/catalog/catalog.jsp.

Surf around; see what you like. If you have questions about the products, I'm afraid you're going to have to ask me and I, in turn, am going to have to email your questions to Amy to get answers.

Likewise, if you'd like to order something, let me know — don't place your order online with someone else, or you'll spoil my party. You don't have to give me your order, either; just give me your email address. I will have Amy contact you and you can fix all that with her, since she's the one you have to pay.

A few items of note:

1. If you spend $60 or more on this order, you can get a free Quick-Stir pitcher with your order. This is an item with which I am well familiarized. Throw in a packet of cherry Kool-Aid and some Splenda, dump water and ice on it, pump the handle a few times, and pour a few ounces of this refreshing concoction over the top of an ice-cold diet Coke. Bring on the day — and your wooden spoons don't turn all pink.

2. I told you the food would rock, and so it shall.

Golf Widow's Ring Around the Islands

Stuff You Need

• ½ pound ground beef
• 1 to 2 tablespoons sweet-and-spicy jerk seasoning
• 1 tablespoon tamari soy (or teriyaki) sauce
• 2 tablespoons water
• 1 tablespoonful olive oil
• 1 small to medium onion, diced
• 1 medium bell pepper, any color, diced
• 1 clove garlic, peeled and minced
• 4 to 5 ounce package tropical-style trail mix (nuts, fruit, coconut, etc, but please, no chocolate pieces, 'cos that's just eww)
• 2 cans "whomp"-style refrigerated crescent roll dough, 8 ounces each

Now Do That Voodoo That You Do

• Preheat oven to 375° Fahrenheit.
• In a medium skillet, brown ground beef. Drain and remove to medium mixing bowl.
• Add jerk seasoning, soy (or teriyaki), and water, and stir to combine.
• Heat oil in skillet and sauté onion, bell pepper, and garlic till softened.
• Add sautéed vegetables and trail mix to meat and stir till well combined.
• Place a small (approximately five-inch diameter) saucer or dish in the center of a pizza stone, or on a large cookie sheet lined with parchment paper. Open the cans of crescent rolls (and enjoy the "whomp" sound-effect; that's part of the charm) and position the individual triangles of dough onto the stone or cookie sheet, points outward and flat sides toward the dish, with side-points overlapping each other. The final effect should be like a sunburst with crescent-dough rays. Remove the dish; it's just a guide.
• Place about two tablespoonsful of the meat mixture on the wide bit of each of the "rays".
• Pick up each point of the ray at the tip, bring it over the top, and tuck it over the meat. The meat will NOT be covered all the way.
• Bake at 375° for twenty to twenty-five minutes, till ring is golden brown.

I guess you could transfer the ring onto a nice platter or something. I just drag the pizza stone to the table.

If you're having the Mom over, pick out the bananas from the trail mix before you do anything else. The Mom hates bananas and everything they stand for.

You should probably serve this with an umbeverage (which word I just made up to mean "a beverage with an umbrella stuck in"). A mai-tai would be ideal.

If you're doing low carb or no carb, you can just make the meat mixture and serve it in a bowl. I did that for the Mom, who is diabetic. It didn't raise her sugar, I don't think. I'm pretty sure she would've told me if it had.

3. As far as male strippers, they are, in a word, lovely. And because I am the Hostess with the Mostest, I will share.

Click for the Mostly Naked Chefs

I do hope this makes up for the inconvenience of not yet being able to order from my consultant online. With luck, the next party will be better organized.

Let me know of any ordering you wish to do before August 25th, to secure the August pricing and also to take advantage of any items that might be discontinued by the next catalog.

I'll continue to remind you, because I do want you to order things, but I won't be mad if you don't.

Tomorrow's podcast is up today, because the Mom went to Massachusetts and I have to sky over to her house tomorrow morning to make sure my dad takes his pills and eats his yummy oatmeal.

I have bribed him to behave himself with sticky buns. The Mom, who, as I mentioned, is diabetic, will not stoop to bribery with him. I have no such lofty standards. I just want him to please not yell at me and to take his pills like a good soldier.

But anyway, the podcast. Go forth and listen, download, subscribe, review, whatever.

http://golfwidow.podomatic.com/

Tags: Pampered Chef, podcast

drinking: some raspberry beer. i forget the brand. it doesn't suck
listening to: Diane King, Do You Really Want to Hurt Me (reggae mix of Culture Club cover)
thinking: i need a more 'puter-savvy pampered chef consultant