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i brought dirt
10/31/2006 = 06:26 AM

(Of course not about anyone we know. Where's the fun in that?)

But first, we must talk about me, and my needs.

Associated Content's April Ardito has just done a splendid interview with me, which can be read online here.

There's also a photo of me, which just goes to prove that I look pretty much like a fat, mild-mannered alter-ego of Golfwidowpuff, Champion of Truth, Justice, and Good Grammar.

In thanks for her awesomeness in putting my name out there, April is receiving an autographed copy of my new book, Getting My Think On, available from Amazon and other fine booksellers.

Naturally, if you'd rather not have to pay for a copy, you, too, can get a freebie by publishing an original review or interview in a forum other than your own website or blog. Whichever's easier. You know.

Now, that's quite enough of that.

Come on. Feel the Oys.

Dear Rush Limbaugh:

I think the public can safely rely on your authoritative opinions of Michael J. Fox's condition during his campaign appearance ads.

I mean, you've already proven that you know your drugs, right?

Sincerely,

Golf "Don't Even Try to Outsnark Me, Mister" Widow

Dear Tom Cruise and  Katie  Kate Holmes:

Nope, I checked — still don't care.

Sincerely,

Golf "Click HERE for a picture of Suri" Widow

P.S. That goes for you, too, Britney. And as for your husband, I had no respect for him and his lack of genuine talent before he gave the world "permission" to hate him, and I still have no respect for him. I don't care. Really. Both of you, just Shut. Up. Thank you.

Dear Heather Mills:

Leaving your leg count and your spitefulness out of the equation (unlike everyone else), I agree that Linda McCartney was a tough act to follow, but you've made a very bad job of it. The more petty you get, the worse you wind up looking to the media and to the public. Sir Paul is trying to help you not embarrass yourself further. Accept that from him so everyone can move on.

Sincerely,

Golf "I Always Liked John Better Anyway" Widow

Dear T.R. Knight:

To me, your sexual preferences aren't the most interesting thing about you. Right now, the fact that the argument wouldn't even have happened if you'd been on time, is. Be straight or be gay, I don't care. But be professional, for heaven's sake.

Sincerely,

Golf "Shame on You for Making Patrick Dempsey Wait" Widow

Tags: April Ardito, Rush Limbaugh, Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Heather Mills, Paul McCartney, Grey's Anatomy, T.R. Knight

drinking: coffee
listening to: IQ, You Never Will
my book on amazon: is eligible for free super saver shipping (on orders over $25). i'm just saying