<< prev = comments [16] = pings [0] = next >>


iffy
11/18/2006 = 12:18 PM

"'What if ...' in the past is always fiction."
— The Mom

I think we can all agree that O.J. Simpson is despicable.

Looking at it from either side — if he was guilty, he is an asshole for wasting the court's time and the taxpayer's money on that legalistic goat rodeo we had to sit through for the better part of forever, and if (oh, please, "if," as in "'if' my grandmother had balls, she'd be my grandfather") he really was innocent, then he's pushing katoistic opportunism to new lows.

Do we all agree on that? Does anybody think he deserves yet another "chance to be heard," after he already had his day in court, innocence [snort] or guilt aside?

If (more "if") you do, go ahead and buy his book. All you'll be doing is telling the mass market we want this sort of thing, which is precisely why we all have to deal with Kevin Federline now (speaking of katoistic opportunism, and how much do I want to hug myself for turning Kato Kaelin's name into an adjective?).

We are a nosy species. If (there's that pesky "if" again) we were cats, we'd be extinct, assuming one believes in "curiosity killed the blah blah homilycakes."

Let's spread the word about what we really want.

Want more O.J.? Really? Go ahead and buy his book.

Want truth? Buy Cosmic's book.

Want honest fiction? Buy Bozoette's book.

Want a heartwarming tale of everlasting love, perfection, beauty, and wealth, with a happily-ever-after ending?

Well, you won't find that in my book, but if you really feel you must have O.J., my book has a thing about Orange Bird that is far superior than anything you'd get from the Juice.

And if you insist upon suspense and mystery, you can read the bits about how That Man of Mine, a college graduate, can't shop for garlic or bedsheets without a technical support hotline.

The latest podcast is up. Listen, subscribe, download, however you want to work it, here.

Tags: books

drinking: coffee
listening to: Mr. Capone-e & Twista, Don't Get It Twisted
o.j. simpson: should go out with jessica simpson. now that would amuse me