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beat spam
01/06/2007 = 09:28 AM

I have always wanted to be an Angry Poet. I guess I actually am, because I am The Suck at poetry, pissing me off to the point of my having the angry bit totally knocked.

That said, Kung-Fu-Kitten did something really fun on her post from January 2nd, and I thought I'd try it myself.

Which makes it a meme, sort of. As you know, I tag no one. But this is fun.

I don't get this quality of spam in my personal email anymore, since I quit Diaryland, but that's a whole other rant that I don't feel like getting into at the moment.

However, my work department's general email address is inundated with the damned things on a 24/7 cycle, because our company's spam filter was set up by our Help Desk (motto: "We put the 'intelligence' in 'help desk.' Wait. There is no 'intelligence' in 'help desk'"), which means it deletes questions from our customers and leaves the See Alice ads.

So I found one, and thus begins the Beat Generation v2.0.

I didn't take out any words, myself. I used the "sender" as the actual author of the piece, so as not to be totally plagiarizing. And, though I inserted line-breaks to make it into poetry, I retained all the wretched syntax and bizarre punctuation.

I also added sound effects, so it would be easier for you to picture me in a dark basement, wearing a black turtleneck and beret; furthermore, I added virtual cigarette drags, which are safer than the real thing and sort of satisfying — this is the closest I've come to actually smoking in over four years.

Plus, I added some links (they open in separate windows), to bring the Beat to the twenty-first century.

And now, I quote the Great KFK, with the instructions:

"I got one of those computer generated text in a spam e-mail, but I thought it was so beautiful I decided to compose a poem out of it. I only took out a few words, otherwise it's intact. The title was the subject line of the e-mail ..."

.:bongos:.

your profile

by Ronald Herron (and golf widow)

.:snap-snap-snap-snap-snap:.

.:puff, exhale:.

downtown ! .:snap, snap:.
epic , resistant ! .:snap, snap:.
antacid not petty ! .:snap, snap:.
oceanic the dance
some deep the trestle or
anglophobia

.:puff, exhale:.

a pyrophosphate on cluck .:snap, snap, snap:.

but director the biracial .:snap, snap:.
some repudiate
or
lockhart .:snap, snap:.
see cilia but beauteous
on turf a bilinear
not pomp but heir
some pay , .:puff, exhale:.

nettle try flashback
on infertile
on bookkeep

try

.:puff, exhale:.

budweiser ! .:snap:.
moroccan but affluence
in pandemic .:snap:.
on legendary may chamberlain
and
defect it's bowen .:snap:.

it brochure .:snap:.
not cube and

.:puff, exhale:.

usher it's occurrent ! .:snap:.

foamy see hole
the technion
not car
the deuce

try

dryden ! .:snap:.

consultation it hardtack
some christie on
investigatory it spouse

.:puff, exhale:.

the nora ,

.:puff, exhale:.

vaudois be

teem ! .:snap:.

coffeecup
and
deuteron

try

judicable the rayleigh
or
biota
the squad

see alumnae .:snap:.
see hydronium .:snap:.
in emigrant a sacral be

.:puff, exhale:.

artichoke
some scoundrel .:snap:.
may cushion .:snap:.
and
coward
some uruguay .:snap:.
it's synapses .:snap:.

see abbreviate may piper
in saturater some alhambra
but
repression ,

.:puff, exhale:.

launder it proctor

try

infernal
and
drench in .:snap, snap:.

.:puff, exhale, exit:.

.:end bongos:.

New podcast up. Go. Make with the listen.

I had to delete some of the older episodes from the site because we were running out of storage space and we're too poor to afford Pod-O-Matic Pro. However, they're archived, so if you missed the Weekend of Ill-Conceived Notions, Parts I through IV, and you want them now, let me know and I'll get them to you.

Tags: meme, podcast

drinking: coffee
listening to: John Waite, For Your Love
want snakebite: don't go to pilot pete's. they don't know what yukon jack is