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wtmb
02/28/2007 = 10:44 AM

Thanks for tuning into WTMB, the station with Way Too Much Boring.

I have stolen the above from my Purple Pal Who's Fun to Be With. I have also stolen this meme from her.

This is the hammer; this is the screwdriver; I think you already know the drill.

I tag no one, and if you've already been tagged for this by someone else but don't feel like doing it, read mine all the way through and you become immune.

What Would You Rather Be Called ...

01. ... Babe or Baby? Doesn't matter. If you say "babe," I reply, "Babe is a piglet," and if you say "baby," I reply, "Waaa."
02. ... Sweetie or Honey? I tend to use "sweetie" on other people a lot. I used to like "Sweetheart." No one tends to call me that anymore.
03. ... Darling or Hun? I love "darlin'" without the "g" on the end. It's my secondary reason for traveling down south of the Mason-Dixon line (primary reason being to see my hetero-lifemate, whom I would link if she ever updated, which she doesn't).

Presently Currently ("Presently" means "soon," not "at this moment"):

01. Is your hair wet? It's still a little damp, but it'll probably be dry by the time I finish this silly meme.
02. Is your phone right by you? Only by default. I'm not expecting any calls.
03. Do you miss someone? I miss the hell out of my HLM, which isn't at all unusual. Also, I miss Trishtastic. Some people, they move to Florida and they forget how to blog.
04. Are you wearing Chapstick? I wear either E.L.F. lip gloss (when I want a pretty pink mouth that tastes like orange candy) or Burt's Bees Lip Balm (when I want a non-dry minty mouth that you can't strike matches on).
05. Are you tired? I have CFS. I'm never not tired. End whine, I hope.
06. Are you excited? I heard there's a Sonic opening close to Columbus soon. Chance to see B Kirk, creator of the best Smallville comic strip, and go to the Surly Girl in Short North, and have diet cherry-lime slushy thingie and tots at Sonic? I am All. Over. That. Shit.
07. Are you watching tv? No, I'm listening to Judas Priest, because I have not yet accepted that the '80s are over.
08. Are you wearing pajamas? No, I'm dressed for workiness, but only because I truly meant to go to work today. If I can dredge up the energy, yes, I'm changing back into sleep-things.

Have you:

01. Recently done anything you regret? Eaten chocolate at Valentimes. I know I'm allergic and I eat it anyway and I always regret it. But not until after. During? Oh, the chocolate is so good.
02. Ever lied? How can one answer that? Even if I say "no," who would believe me?
03. Ever stuck gum under a desk? No. In fact, I don't think I've ever just dropped gum or spit it out, either. The Mom raised me to save the wrapper and use it for disposal, and I can't untrain myself from that habit. Even the time I chewed an entire pack of watermelon gum on a dare (brought to you by WNDT, the "Never Do That" station), I spit the wad into a paper towel, fast, before rebooting my stomach contents into the nearest commode, because as nauseated as I was, I was also concerned about blowing a watermelon bubble into the school's plumbing and getting caught being an idiot.
05. Ever tripped over your own feet? I'm me. I can trip over air molecules.

Today, and Explain Why:

01. Have you sworn? Is that the alarm clock? Motherfucker.
02. Have you yelled at someone? Not yet today. Actually, unless you really piss me off, you're probably not going to get yelled at no matter what. The raised voices, they don't work for me unless I'm just trying to be heard, no anger involved. The madder I really am, the quieter my voice gets.
03. Have you gotten mad at someone? I'm a little irritated with myself, but everyone else is a-okay.
04. Have you cried? I sniffled a little at about 3 am, because I was frustrated at not being able to sleep (long story) but I didn't melt down and have at it.
05. Have you called more than three people? No.

Q and A:

Q: Is there a person who is on your mind right now?
A: Summer-Gale, actually.

Q: Where is the last place you went?
A: Work. Oh, the raw excitement of it all.

Q: Who do you like more, your mom or dad?
A: I love both of them, but the Mom has always liked me better than my father does — oh, he loves me, but I don't think he really likes me as a person to talk to or what-have-you. I was never a Daddy's girl.

Q: Do you have any siblings?
A: I have a very-slightly-younger brother (only eighteen months difference) and a slew of in-laws all over the country. I also have a virtual older sista (locked).

Q: Do you want children?
A: I like kids, but I can't finish a whole one. Seriously, I have no patience with grown-ups; there's no way I could be so irresponsible as to try to take charge of a tiny human.

Q: Do you smile often?
A: I smile almost constantly, because it's the best way to fake yourself into feeling less blah. I also laugh a lot, and when I laugh, I mean, I laugh hard. (You can tell, if you listen to my podcast. If I think something is funny, I will laugh myself into a fucking nosebleed.)

Q: Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?
A: While you're reading this, I hope you are. While I'm writing this? Meh, probably not.

Q: Do you wish on stars?
A: I have related this tale before, but it's funny, and true, and totally bears repeating. Anyway, the last time I wished on a star was right before my first date with That Man of Mine. What happens was that I wished everything would go well and he would like me, but I had actually wished on a control tower by accident. So it all turned out for the best, I suppose, but I have to presume that the fact that it wasn't really a star accounts for why he breaks everything he touches and is so horrible at shopping for bed sheets.

Q: Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?
A: Take off stompy, army-style, or Doc Marten boots without unlacing them. In fact, do it without sitting down. I'll just wait over here with the Band-Aids.

Q: When did you last cry?
A: If you mean, over something other than a touching commercial or televised marriage proposal, I bawled my head off a couple of months ago when I found out a friend of mine had a tumor. (For real, not kayceedaisy cancer.) End serious.

Q: Do you like your handwriting?
A: My pre-arthritis handwriting was pretty and round and easy to read. Now, I could be a doctor, except that the wobbly thing that makes my handwriting suck would probably also make me a sucky doctor.

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: Fuck off.

Q: Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
A: Pick one: a) George Clooney's; b) Never mind. I picked his, too. Unfortunately, the truth is that what sleep I got (not much) occurred in my own bed.

Q: What color shirt[s] are you wearing?
A: I have on a white lace cammie under my ruched teal top. (I like the cut of this top so much I have it in two other colors as well. I'm kind of pathetic like that.)

Q: Do you have any pets?
A: One ex-parrot, who is bereft of life and rests in peace. He requires very little in the way of care, feed, water, or newsprint.

Q: What is the color of your bed sheets?
A: Plain blue, no thanks to That Man of Mine. The ones these replaced were a set he bought that had nice primary colored stripes, but were the wrong size.

Q: What were you doing at 3 pm yesterday?
A: [Imagine some snarky work-related ranting here, then move on.]

Q: I can't wait until ...
A: ... I finish answering all these questions.

Q: Look to your right. What's there?
A: Bookcase — specifically, my writing references, dictionaries, thesaurus, and Bartlett's.

Q: Ever cried yourself to sleep?
A: I've cried before sleep, but I always remember stopping before falling asleep. I have also, I am told, cried in my sleep, and I have sometimes awakened from sad dreams, crying.

Q: Ever cried on your friend's shoulder?
A: Yes; more than once, and more than one friend, but I have had more different people cry on my shoulder (including some virtual strangers) than I have ever cried in front of, myself.

Q: Song that makes you cry or really emotional?
A: Bridge Over Troubled Water. Any version, really, though my favorite is the Charlotte Church cover, closely followed by the original Simon and Garfunkel. I can take or leave Clay Aiken's version.

Q: Are you normally a happy person?
A: No. I am profoundly good at faking happy and perky, and that is probably abnormal.

Q: Has anyone ever said "I love you" to you besides family?
A: I get that a lot, actually. More so from strangers than from certain members of my family.

Q: If yes, do you think they meant it?
A: I only ever knew one person who told me (and others) they loved me when they were only saying it to make themselves look virtuous, and, again, that was a member of my family. So, yes: those people who have said "I love you" that weren't family did mean it, to the best of my knowledge.

Q: What are you doing right now?
A: Tickling you. I'm surprised you didn't notice. The hell do you think I'm doing? I'm doing a meme.

16 Sections of My Life

SECTION 1 - YOU
+ Full name: Ay, yi, yi, yi. My name is José Jalapeño. On a stick. You can call me Golf Widow for short.
+ Birthday: Once. A long time ago. The anniversary of that date is in a couple of months. I was born in the year of the Pig, and this is the year of the Pig, and I guess that means you could, in fact, call me Babe.
+ Eyes: Two.
+ Hair color: Diet cola, with strands of fizz.
+ Siblings: Already covered. I guess this is the review, so you don't freak out over the quiz. One brother, tons of in-laws, and a virtual sista. I will take other virtual siblings upon request and review of applications.
+ Tattoos: I've narrowed my choices down to three, and when I narrow those down to one, I will get it.

SECTION 2 - HAVE YOU EVER ...
+ ... Fallen off the bed? My best falling-off-the-bed story: That Man of Mine, who was not yet living with me (not even in the same state) generally visited me on his weekends off, but I had told him not to come that weekend because the weather was pretty bad. So I was alone in my house, asleep, when he came in, having driven several hours through a snowstorm to surprise me. The sound of his unlocking the door woke me up, from a nightmare I no longer remember. I screamed, flailed, fell off the bed, and he came flying into the bedroom to find me on the floor, still half-asleep, sobbing in terror, and (again, I have no recollection of this) wailing, "Let go! I have to go pee!" I wish I could've been on the outside of that one. I personally cannot recall it without remembering how frightened I was, but I imagine it was pretty damned funny to witness.
+ ... Broken someone else's heart? Yes. I'm not proud of it.
+ ... Had your heart broken? More times than I can tell you. Again, I'm not proud of it.
+ ... Had a dream come true? Never a good thing, when I do. If I dream something disturbing, I usually wake up from it praying to whomever will listen, "Okay, please let that have been just a regular dream."

SECTION 3 - CURRENTLY ...
+ ... Wearing: gray trousers and the aforementioned teal shirt.
+ ... Listening to: Styx, Miss America.
+ ... Located: Bedroom.
+ ... Chatting with: No one
+ ... Should REALLY be: In bed.

SECTION 4 - DO YOU ...
+ ... Drive? I have a car and a current license, and I am insured. When I drive, I do so fairly well. I rarely drive these days due to a combination of disgusting fuel prices, a tiny desire to do a little something for the environment since eating steak isn't fixing global warming fast enough, and arthritis in my neck.
+ ... Have a cell phone? Does anyone not? I have one for emergencies and I rarely use it for anything else. There tends to be land lines around more often than people necessarily look for them.

SECTION 5 - LAST PERSON YOU ...
+ ... Hugged: That Man of Mine.
+ ... IMed: I don't really IM much, but I Google™ Talk whenever someone has it set up. Last Google™ Talk was, of course, Andy. We recorded it, so you can go listen or put it on your iPod whenever. We're all Podcrapular like that.
+ ... Talked to: On the phone? My friend E. In person? That Man.
+ ... Texted: Never do it. I get frustrated enough by tiny buttons and dropping stuff without getting charged for it.

SECTION 6 - PERSONAL
+ What do you usually think about before you go to bed? The more I think, the more insomnia I get, which is why I had to stop writing in my head — I was getting so into the stories, I'd force myself awake either to finish the story or go to the computer to write it down before I forgot it. So before bed, I do sleepy mind exercises, like counting sheep. I don't count sheep jumping over a fence, by the way — I count them climbing up a playground ladder and coming down the slide. Wearing numbered t-shirts.

SECTION 7 - FAVORITE
+ Color: I like bright jewel tones in wintertime and light earth tones in summertime.

SECTION 8 - DO YOU ...
+ ... Like to give hugs? I have to admit being frustrated by it. It's almost not worth it, trying to hug someone who says they like being hugged and finding out that what you think of as a hug (full-on bear hugging) and what they think of as a hug (polite little cheek-presses with, if you're lucky, a hand on your shoulder or your back; arms hardly involved) are two different scenarios entirely.
+ ... Prefer black or blue? For clothing, almost always black. I don't give a rat's ass what's "slimming" or not (nothing is, on me); I prefer very neutral neutrals that can multitask into a variety of outfits. Black is black. Some blues are neutral and some just aren't.
+ ... Sleep on your side? I nearly said that I'm a tosser, but that means something else entirely. Suffice it to say that I don't sleep well no matter what, but I'll try any sleep position if it means I might get a little rest.
+ ... Have stuffed animals? See the above question about hugging. I have never met a stuffed animal who has recoiled from my desire to snuggle and be snuggled.

SECTION 9 - THIS OR THAT
+ Pierced nose or tongue: I have neither, and probably never will, since it's enough work keeping all my earrings and their respective piercings sanitary. As to looking at it on other people, I will admit to loving the look of a side nostril piercing with either a tiny jewel or a ring. I am not impressed by tongue jewelry, but, again, it's a personal preference, and it's your mouth.
+ MTV or BET: I loved MTV back in the day, when it was pretty much all videos with just a quick minute or so of Kurt Loder being grown-up and serious, but these days, I find more to love on the other stations, including BET, which has kick-ass gospel, a few drops of important history, and stand-up comedy that cracks my shit up whether or not I identify with it all.
+ 7th Heaven or Dawson's Creek: I never cared enough for either one to commit. I saw part of one episode of Dawson's Creek where a geeky kid told off a popular girl for not giving him a tumble on the pure basis of how he wasn't good for her reputation, and I cheered for him on behalf of dorks everywhere, but that was pretty much the extent of it.
+ Color or black/white: When I was a tiny kid, and my television viewing was restricted to a short daily period on a black and white set, the biggest treat in the UNIVERSE was a television program or movie event where popcorn would be made — in a pot on the stove — and we'd all pile onto the Mom's bed for color tv. In this day of everything being in glorious Technicolor^®, including telephone displays, I sort of miss that magical transition, like Dorothy opening the door to Oz.
+ Sun or Moon: I like the Moon. 'Cos it is close to us. Also, moonlight becomes me, and it's a marvelous night for a moondance. But if I have to choose, then, logically, I wouldn't be around to prefer the Moon if it weren't for the Sun (you know; vitamin D and green plants and things) and, furthermore, one cannot see the Moon at all unless the Sun is reflecting off of it. So there you go.
+ Five acquaintances or one best friend: I have more than one best friend, depending on what needs to be shared at any given time, but if I was told I couldn't spend even a little time with my few best friends anymore unless I gave up all of my acquaintances forever, I wouldn't have to think twice about ditching the acquaintances.
+ Spring or Fall: Autumn. I don't like the word "fall." I do like crunchy leaves and the relief of crisp coolness after hot humidity.
+ Happy or sad: Okay, did anyone actually say they prefer being sad?
+ Wonder or amazement: I love both. Love. I'm insatiably curious and I get cheap thrills from solved mysteries and answered questions. The main reason I have never seriously contemplated suicide, no matter what depths of depression or pain I've ever sunk to, is that I would be righteously pissed off by not getting to find out what happens next.

SECTION 10 - YOUR FIRSTS
+ Screen Name: My very first online name was a five-letter combination of the nearest airport code with the initials of the interstate highway street exit leading to my office, because that particular online network was restricted to reservationists and travel agents. My first personal email address was a variation of my first name combined with my last name, and it only took me two tries to get one that wasn't already in use (ah, those were the days). My first "diary" screen name was wndflWINO, a tribute to George Carlin. Since being obligated to abandon everything involved with that name some years ago, I adopted Golf Widow and have been using it wherever possible ever since.

SECTION 11 - LAST ...
+ ... Time you cried: Another review, before the quiz, I guess. It was a few months ago. She's totally cancer-free now.
+ ... Phone call: Yesterday afternoon. E. I meant to tell her that I had heard a rumor that Britney Spears shaved her head because she was afraid someone could cut a piece of her hair off and prove her batshititude had been the result of drug use (as opposed to just being depressed or attention-needy), but we got to talking about interesting things about ourselves and our lives instead, and Britney slipped my mind. Would that it were always so simple.

SECTION 12 - CURRENT
+ Mood: I feel kind of bleh due to non-health and lack of sleep, but nothing life-threatening or doom-inducing.
+ Hair: I just trimmed it, but I need to put a few highlights in. Probably this weekend.

SECTION 13 - WHO LAST
+ Made you cry? Look, I promise there's not going to be a quiz. I just answered this. If you don't remember and don't feel like scrolling back up to section 11, I'll never know.
+ Made you angry? That Man of Mine, but he's usually pretty good for that, and I'm usually over it within five seconds, just enough time for him to do something else. It's the nature of the beast. He's a boy.

SECTION 14 - WOULD YOU RATHER ...
+ ... Drink whole or skim milk? Soy milk. I have a dairy allergy. However, before I knew about it, I was a big milk-drinker, and drank whatever was in the fridge, milk-wise. I preferred two-percent, because the taste and texture was better than skim, but it was slightly more healthful than whole milk.

SECTION 15 - DO YOU PREFER ...
+ ... Gray or Black? Gray. Less dramatic and slightly lighter. Also shows off less if one is, like me, a Natural Born Spiller.
+ ... Lust or love? Love is lovely, but it's hard work to keep it from changing into something negative. Lust is so much less complicated, the expectations (both on yourself, and yours of others) aren't so high, you don't have to work as hard at it, and if you fail, the consequences aren't nearly as dire. Even Jimmy Carter admitted to lusting in his heart.
+ ... Sunrise or sunset? I kind of prefer sunset, in the sense that I've seen very few sunrises that I don't associate with the fact that I had been up all night, not sleeping.
+ ... M&Ms or Skittles? I'm allergic to chocolate. M&Ms, particularly peanut ones, are more fattening than Skittles. Skittles sort of train younger palates to prefer fruit flavors, which may lead to better, more healthful choices as they mature. That said, I totally prefer M&Ms. Peanut ones.

SECTION 16 - ANSWER TRUTHFULLY (edited to add, "What the fuck do you think I've been doing all this time? And if I were lying before, why should I stop now all of a sudden, just because you said to?")
+ Are you currently in love? Yes, I am, much to my frequent exasperation, frustration, and general miffedness.
+ Do you believe in love at first sight? I do believe it happens, but I don't believe I've ever experienced it.

P.S. I was right. My hair is all the way dry now.

Tags: meme

drinking: tea
listening to: Dave Matthews, American Baby
why the hell did i do this whole thing: it was easier than thinking and less uncomfortable than lying down