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if i can make it there
06/11/2007 = 05:06 AM

This is a day I have been waiting for, nearly my whole life.

As of this day, I have officially lived longer than Marilyn Monroe.

'Course, that's not really saying much. I mean, even Anna Nicole Smith lived longer than Marilyn Monroe.

New goal: three more years and I'll have Ms. Smith beaten, too.

It's my honor to announce the winners of the first-ever Old Friends I Met for the First Time Awards.

I'm making these up off the top of my head, so don't be all up in my face demanding recounts.

The Absent Idiot Award goes to Paris Hilton. I'm glad we didn't invite her. I can't speak for anyone else, but I definitely had more fun without her presence. Let's agree not to invite her next time, either, okay?

The Absent Friends Award was a tie, between Mel the Belle and Ms. F. It was good and all, but it wasn't the same without you.

The Best Break-Dancer Award was also a tie, between the forty-something guy outside the New York Public Library, his twenty-something son, and his couldn't-be-bigger-than-five-or-six grandson. Awesomeness.

The Best Travel Companion Award goes to the Mom, who is so well-prepared that, if I'd said I needed a nap, she'd probably have reached into the bottom of her purse and fished out a blanket, a pillow, and an alarm clock. And she'd probably have apologized if the alarm clock needed to be wound up first.

Best Location for Fun on a Random Saturday Award goes to West Greenwich Village in New York.

The Best Holy Crap I'm Sure We Already Know Each Other Award goes to Lisa B. It was spooky. She found us right away and it was more like seeing someone after a long separation than a first encounter.

Best Iced Coffee Award goes to A.O.C. Needed neither cream nor sweetener. I'm serious. This is the first coffee I've ever had in my entire life that actually tasted exactly as good as it smelled.

A.O.C. also gets the Best Value for Fancy-Schmancy French Bistro Food Award for yesterday, as I ate half my saucisson beurre cornichon for lunch, carried out the rest of the plate, finished the frites when I got home, and still have the other half of my baguette for today. Sometimes having no appetite is a blessing.

The Best Budgeting of Calories Award goes to Deni Bonet, who had salad with her meal except for the five frites she filched from my plate. (Stolen frites don't count. And they taste better.)

The Best Use of Eyedrops Award goes to Sharon, who got some in her mouth, of all places. Missed her eye, got her eyeteeth.

The Fastest Learner Award goes, hands-down, to Quin, who apologized upon arrival for not understanding puns, but by the end of the day, she was not only laughing at them, she was making them herself.

The Finally-Unblurred Award goes to The Last Guy On Earth. I got to see the front of his head. Be very jealous.

The Wettest Nose Award goes to Rosie. Somehow, I don't think anyone will be contesting that award. (Maybe Paris Hilton. That's a whole lot of waaah going on right there.)

I have not forgotten myself. I get the Best Self-Restraint Award, for stepping away from the booksale and the good-smelling beauty products at the street fair and not spending a nickel.

If you want an opportunity to win an award for the next ceremony, we'll keep you posted as to when that'll be taking place. Discussion has gravitated toward the possibility of creating a Dim Sum Award in Chinatown, but time will tell.

Tags: New York

drinking: ice water
watching: an old, sort of outdated but still fascinating astronomy video
happy birthday to: my hetero-lifemate