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gift tagged
12/18/2007 = 02:06 PM

I was tagged by Jenny Tenny, so fine, whatever, but I'm de-meme-ing it. You can pretend it's still a meme if you want. To me, it's just sort of a disjointed essay about myself in regard to the holiday season.

I used to wrap presents. (That was actually how I decided I was going to marry That Man of Mine. We were having a light-saber fight with the empty rolls and he said, "I know something you don't know. I — am not left handed.") Anyway, what with arthritis making scissors, taping, and not dropping things a little more difficult, this Santa flies with gift bags and tissue, now. Or gets the store to gift-wrap.

I used to have an artificial tree, because we can't have a real tree in our condo. But then I decided I wasn't doing a tree at all anymore. Last year, I decorated a penguin for the first time, and he was just what the holiday needed. Also, he sits on a shelf instead of on the floor, so I put the presents on the shelf underneath him and we don't have to crawl around first thing in the morning. Putting up a penguin is not a lot of work. He's small. I dress him in a beer cozy and stick a star to his head. I put him up the other day; it took five minutes. It'll take even less time to take him down. I'll just do it whenever.

I adore eggnog, though it makes me feel unwell, due to its high dairy content. However, it makes kickass easy bread pudding.

My favorite gift I ever got was a plush doll named Kimberly, which my dad got for me the year I told him I didn't like the doll my grandparents had gotten me the previous year because she was hard. I still have Kimberly. I shaved the hard doll's head and popped it off the body so my brother could carry it around one Halloween.

I don't have a nativity scene, but one of my neighbors does. On his lawn. It's inflatable and it lights up. I'm not judging him. But I'm judging the hell out of the company that made the thing in the first place.

The worst Christkwaanzukahsticestivuseid gift I ever received was better than nothing. Especially considering the years when "nothing" was exactly what I got.

I wanted to send out holiday cards this year, but I can't afford them yet. I think everyone's getting New Year's cards.

My favorite two Christmas movies are It's a Wonderful Life, tied with A Christmas Story.

I start holiday shopping when I have money, because otherwise I will wind up losing that money to "emergencies" and not having anything for holiday gifts. Like, I don't know, this year.

My favorite thing to eat for Christmas is Chinese food. It's smiling at me.

I don't put any lights on my penguin. I used to have colored lights when I would have a tree.

My favorite Christmas song is Christmas Wrapping by the Waitresses.

I never travel at Christmas if I can avoid it, and this year is even worse, fuel prices being what they are. I'd just as soon stay home.

I can name all of Santa's reindeer, but they already have names, and probably wouldn't answer to new ones.

Trees are supposed to have stars on the top. Not angels, not bows. Stars. Although we have one at work that has a pin and sleeve receptacle on top. We're dorks like that.

I hate the tradition of what That Man of Mine calls "Kris Kringle" — opening a gift on Christmas Eve. But surprises burn holes in his soul, and he can't keep them hidden for very long, so he'll either burst out with them and ruin them, or force me to deal with the Kris Kringling just so he doesn't have to worry about keeping the secret any longer.

The most annoying thing about this time of year is not having any money to spend on anyone else. I have always preferred giving to receiving. Receiving is generally a hose, anyway. It's supposed to be the thought that counts, but some people just don't put any thought into it and that sucks, especially when you put thought into their gifts. However, I love when I give something to someone that makes them really happy.

When I decorated a tree, I never had a theme. Basically, if it could hang off a branch, on it went. I've had everything from hair clips to bottle caps on my past trees.

I don't think every Santa wants cookies and milk. Santa might be lactose-intolerant. I leave pretzels and a diet Coke. I used to leave beer, but I didn't want to encourage drunk sleigh-driving.

My least favorite holiday song is Bruce Springsteen's version of Santa Claus is Coming to Town. His voice sounds like he hopes Santa will be bringing him Ex-Lax and prunes.

When I used to trim an actual tree, my favorite ornament was just this little white furry polar bear. First of all, I didn't have to worry about breaking him, and second of all, he was a little white furry polar bear, and little white furry polar bears don't need no reasons.

The following stuff was from a different meme, and I'm adding it on to this to make it more comprehensive:

I don't hang mistletoe, but I have been known to carry it around and sneak up on people.

My favorite holiday dish, excluding dessert, is my harvest stuffing, which is The Bomb. Ask Quin — she had some at Thanksgiving.

My favorite holiday dessert is cookies, particularly peanut butter blossoms and anginettes. Maybe those aren't really holiday desserts, but this is the only time of year I make them.

My favorite holiday childhood memory was the year my uncle's (now ex) wife, rather an obnoxious personality, told me she didn't like my lavender prairie skirt ('80s, anyone?) and it made me look overweight, which I totally wasn't at the time. Then she sat in one of my grandmother's dining room chairs and it broke and she fell on the floor. Oh, sweet, sweet karma. (Juma, I so wish you'd've been there to see that one.)

How I learned Santa wasn't real: A girl from my class told me and the girl two doors down at the same time. I wasn't horribly upset, since he didn't come to our house anyway, but the girl two doors down started crying and called the other girl a liar. I went home and asked my mother. We looked up Santa Claus in the encyclopedia, and there were so many cross references, the Mom left me to my own devices so she could go get dinner ready. I had a blast learning about Santa, the real Saint Nicholas, Father Christmas, wassailing, and why candy canes were invented. Meanwhile, the girl two doors down went home crying and her holiday was ruined. I felt sorry for her. I think I was seven, because the telling-girl wasn't in my class till second grade.

I dread being out on the roads during a snowstorm, but I love being home and warm during one.

I never could ice skate; even when I was at my most in-shape, I had shitty weak ankles.

The most important part of the holidays for me is the fact that this is when I use up the balance of my annual vacation time. Blissful rest.

Tags: Christmas

drinking: fruit₂o relax water
listening to: nothing
annoyed by: the person who brought in a big stupid tray of spritz cookies that are calling me with their blatant cookiness