<< prev = comments [20] = pings [0] = next >>


when life hands you lemons
01/01/2008 = 05:25 AM

... I want you to go ahead and just put them back, because we have this wonderful powdered lemonade mix right here ....

Gah.

First of all, Happy New Year.

I tried to start my new year off right.

Some background: I left up the last post of 2007 long enough to make sure I wasn't going to have to revise it, and while it was close, there's no doubt that Sandra Lee definitively won the month of December for "Most Commented Upon."

Amidst all the flutter, I also was on the receiving end of a bit of dissatisfaction via email from a Sandra Lee fan who said I needed to watch Sandra Lee's Chefography special on Food Network before I passed judgment on her.

In my annual tradition of attempting to be a kinder, gentler Golf Widow without, at the same time, being anyone else's doormat (I'm actually, no matter how surprised you may be, improving at this with each revolution around the sun), I decided my correspondent was right, and I watched Chefography the other day.

In it, we learn that Sandra Lee, unlike anyone else in the world, had a tough childhood and learned to take care of herself at a young age. Good for her. Seriously. I don't think it makes her special, as such, but it does prove that she is resourceful and probably a little smarter than I give her credit for. I'll own that.

However, she also said that "a bad review of my show is a bad review of every woman in America."

Bad logic.

First of all, it presupposes that men don't take shortcuts or buy prepackaged items, which is a bit sexist, but let's leave that out of the equation. Indeed, let's rewrite the equation in fairness and paraphrase Ms. Lee:

"A bad review of [Semi-Homemade] is a bad review of [the shopping and cooking practices] of [almost] every woman [and man] in America [or, at least, those who don't eschew* prepackaged items and shortcuts in favor of freshness, healthfulness, and the integrity of scratch-cookery]."

Are we all okay with that?

Good.

For conciseness, I'll refer to people who do take shortcuts in the kitchen as the collective "we", since I certainly fall into that category, and now we can reexamine the logic:

Given that we were doing this without her television show before

Given that some of us make it through our lives without watching her show now

Given that we don't have our own television shows, because some of us think it's silly to try to make a career out of being able to point out the obvious

Therefore ...

... a bad review of Semi-Homemade remains a bad review of Semi-Homemade and, as such, does not reflect upon anyone not involved with the production of that program (including viewers and fans).

Dear Sandra Lee:

You made it into my subconscious, which made it into my blog, which made it into a statistic on my blog, which made it into a snark in my email's inbox, which has now made it into this post.

I still think your show is unnecessary, and I resent your Chefography's attempt to appeal to my sympathy for your tough childhood to make me care more about your career.

I also resent that you also attempted to use a bad review of your show to turn the public to your side, by manipulating the language to imply a slight against that public, when it was never meant to be anything other than a reflection on your concept and presentation.

Since you like having television shows about the obvious, I would like to give you my idea for a new show. It's called Salt Makes Food Salty. If anyone can sell that concept, it's you.

Sincerely,

Golf "I Wanted to Be Wrong About You, But Now I Have to Start My 2008 Kinder-Gentler-Bit Over Again Already" Widow

Dear Snarky Emailer:

I did this — the watching of Chefography (and the bonus-watching of a full episode of Semi-Homemade to be sure), and the writing of this post — for you. I hope we can still be friends even if we don't always agree. Happy New Year.

Sincerely,

Golf "And I Hope This Is That Start I Needed" Widow

* This usage of the word eschew has been brought to you by the letter "I said it and you didn't so neener neener neener."* *

* * This usage of the word neener probably means I have to start the 2008 Kinder-Gentler-Bit Over Yet Again.

Tags: Sandra Lee

drinking: soy chai latte
listening to: Podcrapular Lite, starring my sweet babboo Andy
my favorite gift this past holiday: erasers and squirt guns