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no room for "too smart for the room"
04/12/2008 = 07:18 AM

Little bit down on myself this past week. Nothing for it but to try to amuse myself.

(Scene: Watching Merv Griffin's Crosswords. Clue: "Monetary unit of Thailand; four letters." Clueless: All five contestants.)

Me: "Baht." B-A-H-T.
That Man of Mine: Wow, you're the smartest person in the world.
Me: No, I'm not. I just have a really neenerific vocabulary.

(Scene: That Man of Mine is watching a nature program about giant squid.)

That Man of Mine: Whoa, look at that. ("That" = "really big squid.")
Me: You got me out here, draggin' your heavy ass, with your dreadlocks sticking out the back of my parachute.

(Note: the above was not particularly funny, at least to me, especially since I had pretty much bogarted the line from the film Independence Day, but That Man of Mine thought it was amazingly quick and witty, and kept lavishing the lurve on me for having been so clever, hence (neener) I included it.)

Stuff in my brain, with which I have no idea what to do:

(click to embiggen)

No wonder I was made redundant. Obviously, not even a Fortune 500 company has the budget for someone as ridiculously brilliant as I.

All told, I'm not worth hiring, I'm too fat to be allowed out in public (not by my standards, but by public's standards), and anyone but myself can expect to receive their order within two to three business days because I suck ...

... but my grammar and punctuation can still beat the crap out of yours any old day. I mean, look at that sentence structure. Look at the prepositional phrase. Look at that proper usage of "I" instead of "me."

And remember, my former employers, how I once saved you from a heap of embarrassment (and money) when you were planning on sending out a thousand flyers about a memorial golf tournament with the honoree's name spelled incorrectly — a service I provided gratis in addition to all the other tasks that were actually part of my job description.

It gives me comfort to know that, the next time you are in such a situation, you're not going to find out till it's too late, and I will be laughing at you from the dole lines.

Tags: brain confetti

drinking: coffee
listening to: Player, Baby Come Back
markka: monetary unit of finland. you're welcome