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im doin it rong
05/17/2008 = 09:30 AM

I haven't been sleeping particularly well lately, probably due to the fact that it's more responsible for me to stay On the Dole than it is to accept the few meager job offers I've been getting, for temp-only positions at least forty-five minutes drive one way (and with fuel prices being what they are, I'd basically have to pay to work there), offered to me on the basis of my stellar résumé, because I can type and answer a phone.

Are you sure this isn't a depression? Because it's fucking depressing.

On the upside of this nagging not-workiness and increasing What Am I Going to Do Nextiness, I get ideas for business plans that are completely impractical but incredibly amusing to me; and developing them, in my mind, in the dark, sometimes helps me to fall asleep.

One such idea occurred to me last night, and I love it a lot, though it would never fly, and I will share it here.

The LOL Diner.

Seriously, you want to call Guy Fieri. This is off the hook. It is, dare I say it, money.

Menu items including, of course, the Icanhascheezburger, the Purrito, They Be Steelin Mah Frahz, the I Has a Corm, and I Made U a Cookie But I Eated Its; and coffee served in sizes Small, Medium, and Bukket.

Lunch and Dinner Daily. Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner on Caturday.

The staff would wear shirts with our catchphrase on them: "O Hai." Except for the cooks, who would wear aprons that say, "Dey C Us Broilin, Dey Hatin."

In order to summon a server, you must yell, "HALP."

And you know how some diners have kitsch hanging on the walls and from the fixtures? LOL Diner would just have a hole cut in the ceiling panels with a toy cat peering down at you from its heights. I think, in order to raise the diner kitsch level, it might have to light up at night, though.

You can rate your meal and service on a scale, the lowest being "Oh Noes," past "Iz Not So Grate, Akchuly," all the way up to "OM NOM NOM."

I even had an idea for an empty chair in the restroom with a sign pointing to it reading, "Invisible Attendant."

Unfortunately, I was so tickled by the entire concept that it woke me up and delayed my sleep even further, and when I got up this morning, I came to the conclusion that the demographics were too limited for such a restaurant to turn an actual profit.

Nonetheless, I put the concept out here, for one of you to steal.

'Cos, depression or no, I could go for a bukket of coffee.

Tags: LOLCAT

drinking: lyman orchards lemonade
listening to: Simon and Garfunkel, Mrs. Robinson
o i forgot: u can get 2 lol diner by monorail