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don't make me bitchslap you
05/21/2008 = 09:46 AM

Although it would certainly help you to understand this post if you watch the CBS television drama NCIS, you don't need to know anything about it (or even, about any current television show) to figure out that my problem here is neither with the plotlines nor the actions of the characters; rather, with a writing/production flaw that has hit me square in my sense of righteous television viewing in general, and I really, really hate that.

I watch television, if at all, either to educate myself (that cool show Naked Science on NGEO rocks my world), or as escapism (NCIS).

When I want not to be thinking about the real world, you had best not shake me back into it, and NCIS did, last night.

This morning, I took a lurk at the CBS message boards to see if anyone had any scuttlebutt as to whether all the main actors of NCIS have been fired, or whether this killing off of Jenny, promotion of Vance, and splitting up of Gibbs' team was just a plot play that will be resolved, and the entire cast (minus Lauren Holly, obviously) would be resuming next season.

Instead, the boards were filled with page upon page of how mad everyone is at Vance and how, if Gibbs doesn't put his team back together, they're never going to forgive him and they'll stop watching the show forever.

This is why I love message boards. The real world kind of gets left at the doorstep with one's rainjacket and muddy boots.

I am not logged into the message boards, so I did not point out that I did not cry when Tony found Jenny's body, but when Abby said she was sorry she'd never told Jenny how much she liked her wardrobe, then burst into tears and told everyone on the rest of the team how well-dressed they are all the time, except when she got to McGee and she couldn't think of anything good to say about his outfit, I did start crying then.

Shut up. I like Abby a lot. (Also Ducky.)

Yeah, the CBS message boards have problems integrating with the real world, but I totally don't.

Now allow me to drag myself back out of TV dreamtime by discussing how the producers shook me out of my happy oblivion last night.

I'm rather pissed at the writers of last night's scripts (it was a two-part episode) for letting us assume that Jenny was telling the truth when she said that Paris was clean. Gibbs might not have known, Decker might not have known, but Jenny certainly knew that she'd had an assignment to complete (kill Svetlana aka Natasha) and she hadn't done it. That wasn't just unprofessional, it was dangerous, and her hiding of it was, truly two things:

• in the fantasy NCIS world, it was a case of her having died neither from gunshot wounds, nor her terminal illness, nor "smoke inhalation," but literally dying of embarrassment. If she'd owned her mistake, it's very possible that all of this could have been avoided.
• in the real world, it's called deus ex machina — "ghost in the machine" — a plot device wherein a writer uses a last minute contrivance as a key clue, hidden from the reader or audience so they won't guess the outcome too soon. It's a nasty trick and a really good writer doesn't need to do it. Over and over Mike Franks and Gibbs went over the fact that the Paris job had finished clean. The only people who knew it hadn't were: Jenny (fictional), and the writers (real). Bad form.

The only shred of hope I hold right now is that "insurance policy" Decker left. Next season, Mike can come back (or be written to come back, if you like) and utilize the information he skyed off with from the file, to help Gibbs regroup the team, or Gibbs can start fresh with the three new team members (or new actors) as assigned by Vance (or hired by the producers) and break all of our hearts.

All I can do between now and then is to try to keep the Television Gods happy, and to pray that Ted McGinley doesn't show up in next season's cast, thus heralding the dawn of sharkjumpage.

Tags: CBS;  NCIS;  Ted McGinley

drinking: coffee
listening to: Michael Jackson and Carlos Santana, Whatever Happens
ted mcginley: i mean it, man. stay away