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the universe does not want me
07/01/2009 = 02:39 AM

Looks like Cosmic brought her Crayolas with her.(Photo courtesy of space.com)

I haven't got any news or anything interesting to report, as such.

Because nothing of interest happened to me this week other than seeing a new show on Food Network called The Best Thing I Ever Ate, and one of the featured foods was a maple bacon apple doughnut.

A Maple.

Bacon.

Doughnut.

(I left the apple out of the previous repetition because it's the only reasonably healthful bit of the entire recipe, and it had actually been sautéed in the bacon fat before being added to the dough, so it would be missing a few key vitamins and most of its pectin and dietary fiber, not to mention having taken on some of bacon's more detrimental properties.)

I basically spent the whole week wondering why nature would program my body to crave something so inherently poisonous.

Sugar.

Carbohydrates.

Fat.

Sodium.

None of it in any sort of moderation, either.

Simultaneously, I had on a tremendous jones for one of the bloody things.

And to add insult to potential injury, I was craving a large cup of strong coffee to go with it, because the doughnut crafters had, apparently, not managed to find a way to cram a mega-dose of caffeine directly into the treat itself.

By week's end, I had come to the conclusion that the Universe does exist for a purpose, but the purpose is not only not meant to serve humanity, we're merely a byproduct of the Universe's existence.

The Universe does not care if I kill myself with a bullet, with cigarettes, or with a maple bacon apple doughnut chased down with industrial-strength Italian roast, because it has no use for me anyway.

That said, I won't be buying a gun, a deck of smokes, or even one of those doughnuts, but I'll be eating white bread with my barbecue this weekend.

You think white bread is not living dangerously, go grow up with the Mom as your parent. I take one bite of white bread and I hear her voice saying, "You should have told me you wanted cotton for lunch. At least you would have gotten a little roughage."

Tags: food

drinking: ice water
listening to: Nanci Griffith, Love at the Five and Dime
hey, universe: i like broccoli, but i never want it as much as i want that damned doughnut