Recently my friend Jasper Schultz (not his real name, but close enough for government work) wrote a blog post titled "Testosterone/Testosteroff" about the manly things he can do versus his not-quite-as-masculine skills.
Because I am strapped for material, I thought I would rip him off — I mean, riff off him.
Things I Can Do That Are Girly
Cry over televised marriage proposals.
Drink chardonnay.
Squeal upon seeing an insect or arachnid.
Apply cosmetics without making a clown of myself.
Worry that every article of clothing in the Universe, including stuff other people are wearing, is making my butt look fat.
Get boys to carry heavy stuff for me.
Replace the empty toilet paper roll with a full one.
Refuse to bait a hook.
Things I Can Do That Are Butch
Drink beer and belch.
Swear like a sailor.
Idolize George Carlin.
Prefer to be Vader over Leia when we were kids playing Star Wars.
Eat really spicy hot wings.
Check my tire pressure and fluids, and run in a quart of oil if I'm low.
Parallel park.
Think Rita Hayworth was hot. Okay, I might have crossed a little line there. But really. If you don't think Rita Hayworth was hot, you probably just don't know who she was.
Throw things at the television and yell at the competitors during televised sports when they're doing something wrong.
drinking: ice water
listening to: bad synthpop, and no, i have no excuse
question: if i prefer mozart to beethoven, which category does that fall under?
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