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onions have layers but hens are layers
06/10/2010 = 06:31 AM

Things I Don't Think Are Funny

• The oil spill
• The war
• People who supposedly love another person but then sell that person's deathbed photo to a tabloid

Things I Think Are Funny

• A coworker's mispronunciation of "inundated" as "oniondated," which has caused much amusement (and speculation of what the actual definition of "oniondated" should be) between me and another coworker.
• My first definition: going steady with an Italian scallion
• My second definition: eating onion rings till one falls into an onion coma
• Lindsay Lohan and the $200,000 cocktail. I myself have to be pretty freakin' thirsty to fork out even $10 for a drink in a club.
• The commenter Circumcellions who got tired of slamming other people in their own blogs and moved to CNN. I know, freedom of speech and all that, but damn, I love when people can remain silent and be thought a fool, or speak up and remove all doubt (to paraphrase Mark Twain).

I really don't have anything interesting to report.

I voted at Albertson's instead of Smith's for the primary, because they had a special on Diet Coke this week.

The last time I voted in Connecticut, where I was BORN, they sent me on a wild goose chase for the correct voting site, because the address on the postcard was not the address at which I was supposed to vote, according to the registrars, and ultimately, I was told I had been at the right place the first time, even though the snotty girl with the book and the tongue depressor she was using as a ruler had my valid driver's license right in front of her, insisted I was wrong, then denied she'd ever spoken to me when I walked back in and asked if someone who could read would be kind enough to locate my name in the book (which they did, first try).

Voting in Nevada means I can go on whatever early date I choose, to whichever site is most convenient (or has a special on Diet Coke), hand them my voter's workbook, sign their form, have them match it to their scanned image of my signature from my voter's registration (done at DMV), vote by touching a computer screen a few times, then buy my Diet Coke.

Also, Nevada had a job for me, whereas Connecticut didn't, so much.

Say what you will — Sin City is keeping me out of trouble and helping me to do my civic duty. If Connecticut wasn't so full of people I love (and Royal Palace), I would tell it to be gone before someone drops a house on it.

The only other thing going on in my life is that I am trying to read Millbank, otherwise known as the book Ma Ingalls used to read to Pa Ingalls as reported by Laura Ingalls Wilder in On the Banks of Plum Creek, but it's not going at all well.

Mary Jane Holmes could have an award named after her, like Edward Bulwer-Lytton, is what I'm saying.

You think I write roundabout, you need to get a load of her. Ambiguous pronouns and compound-upon-compound sentences everywhere.

And speaking of awards, she appears to be trying to win one for the most superfluous usage of punctuation. It sort of reminds me of Flowers for Algernon, the part where Charlie learns about punctuation, but doesn't yet know how to use it, so he puts it wherever it looks good to him.

If Millbank can't make me keep stopping to try to translate whatever was just said into comprehensible syntax, I'm going to give it up as a lost cause and watch television instead.

Tags: vote; onion

drinking: ice water
listening to: nothing
what i don't do at the supermarket: gamble. which is not to say i couldn't. video poker is up front, next to customer service