Dear Public Radio Talent Quest:
I feel bad that you think I would be so deliberately dishonest. But you're nearly right. I had permission from [Paul] Velat to use any of his pieces on my podcast, but I didn't request separate permission to use them on this audition, and I certainly did neglect to credit him for it; and although the composition itself, by Rimsky-Korsokov, is uncopyrighted (which is why he himself chose to cover it), you are absolutely within your rights under the rules of the contest to disqualify me, and I deserve it.
That said, I would like to clarify your choice of the phrases "consists entirely" and "does not consist of any of your own work." I did use Velat's arrangement in the background, but the wording of my audition piece is entirely my own voice, in my own words, and I imagine, based on the poor reception it received from voters initially (including one person who labeled it "demonic") that Velat would be vastly insulted to have that part of the entry credited to him. That was absolutely my own work and not his.
I thank you for having at least offered me the opportunity to discover, very early on in this contest, that I am not cut out for the public radio industry and am nowhere near ready to perform for its audiences, nor yet would there be a place for me in that world. I do hope you will convey my apologies to anyone who thought I was silly enough to attempt plagiarizing my way into the field, and explain the above to them.
Sincerely yours,
Golf "Oh No Did Someone Really Get That Petty Over an Entry That Had No Chance in HELL?" Widow
Dear Public Radio Talent Quest:
It has come to MY attention that you haven't removed my profile from your website. If I am so very disqualified as you claim, why has this not happened yet?
Sincerely yours,
Golf "I'm Starting to Think That the Content Isn't What Makes Public Radio Suck So Much" Widow
On May 14th I received an email from [redacted; rhymes with Dick and a Stroke] advising me that my entry piece "[did] not consist of any of [my] own work" and was being removed from the site.
I replied that I had failed to credit the musician (though I had certain permissions from him to use his work) and agreed with my disqualification. I also expressed the hope that Mr. and a Stroke would explain to everyone involved that I had not deliberately attempted to plagiarize my way into the radio industry. I received no reply from him.
Meanwhile, I have come to learn that my profile has NOT been removed from the site and is still being hotly debated. Therefore, I can assume that Mr. and a Stroke also did not clarify that my "plagiarism" was unintentional and that I was not contesting my disqualification.
Obviously some people are raising their blood pressures and tempers over this topic a bit too much, and I would like to request that Mr. and a Stroke follow through with my disqualification and removal from the site AT ONCE.
Sincerely,
Golf "Will Everyone Please Get Over Themselves Now?" Widow
I did, finally, receive a reply from Dick and a Stroke on the 29th, assuring me that he had removed my audio piece but I was still more than welcome to use the profile.
What the hell for? was what I wondered. To encourage everyone to continue peeing their diapers?
I replied to his reply, asking him to please delete my profile, since I certainly wouldn't want to continue twisting everyone's knickers over what a filthy demonic thief they seem to think I am.
The contest had left the noxious flavor of "WTF?" in my mouth by the end of the very first week of voting. Some people's mothers never taught them to play nicely. I had no desire to continue in the race and had long since disengaged myself from it by the time I received the email that I had been kicked off the island.
I was, and am, very much "Who the hell cares?" about the entire experience, but I would like publicly to apologize to the Lord of the Yum Yum for forgetting to credit him on my audition piece.
I would also like to say that if you like to listen to the sort of people who would trash the competition in order to garner more votes and feel better about themselves, go to NPR. I'll be hanging around my podcast, myself, being me and having fun.
Oh, my gourd, there's MORE.
Dear Dick and a Stroke:
Thank you for deleting my profile. I'd also like to thank you for clarifying to everyone that I had not actually plagiarized my portion of my audio piece, although I had neglected to properly credit Paul Velat for his musical contribution, and that I had agreed with my disqualification and had, at that time, requested that you remove my profile.
I'd LIKE to thank you for that, except that that was not what happened. What happened was that you left it up so people could keep assuming that I am a filthy rotten thief.
I know this because I got the following alert from Google this morning.
"In the interest of all that is fair and just... | The Public Radio ... Re: Sondra Harris. Nearly Good. It's been three weeks since Bohus presented proof that this entry was plagiarized, and the "golfwidow" entry is still ...:
For heaven's sakes, stop making this all my fault. I admitted, right from the start, that I had screwed up. Now will you admit to all these people that I did, in fact, own my mistake and agreed to be disqualified the second I was made aware of it? I'm tired of being the goat because of lack of follow-through on your part.
Sincerely yours,
Golf "Oh, You Have GOT to be KIDDING Me" Widow
Dear Dick and a Stroke:
This is a copy of an email I got from Paul Velat himself, today. Can we consider this matter closed once and for all now, and will you please clarify the situation for the listeners who are so upset with me?
hi golfwidow, its cool, thanks for being a fan...
since this all went down, the people at weekend america had me appear as a guest...
so it was cool...
anyway, thanks for the apology and really, no worries...sincere, paul v.Sincerely,
Golf "I Am Totally Through With Supporting NPR for the Rest of My Life, Thanks to You" Widow
So then I got another reply on June 5th from Dick and a Stroke, saying that a) I hadn't requested he remove my profile till the 29th of May, and b) he never promised to explain anything to anyone who was mad about my being a plagiarist.
I forwarded my original reply (dated May 15th, the day after his first email to me) to him, reminding him that he had stated, in that email, that if I had any questions, I should let him know.
I didn't have any then, but I do have one now: why did he even bother to ask me to reply if I had any issues, when he wasn't planning on addressing them?
I closed that last email with the words, "Never mind. I'm a thief and you guys like it that way. What. Ever."
Dick and a Stroke replied, insisting that there was no voiceover on the audition piece — just Velat's music.
Well.
I can't check this now, because I had him delete everything, but I know that I checked that piece before AND after I submitted it and it was complete. My voiceover, Bumblebee in the background.
So apparently I am a dirty rotten plagiarist after all. I hope everyone involved will forgive me.
Even leaving out the fact that all the negative comments that had been on the page were about my voiceover and not about Flight of the Bumblebee ...
... and leaving out the fact that, if there really was no voiceover, he should have pointed that out in reply to my email of the 15th, when I said, specifically, that the voiceover was original, even if the background music was not ...
... and leaving out the fact that I have since heard back from someone who said that they not only heard my voiceover when they went to vote, but that they barely noticed the background music ...
... for the love of all that's good and holy, did someone actually think I would be so stupid as to say, "I want to be in radio, so let me submit someone else's music and nothing that lets them know why they should pick me"?
We won't even go into how I feel about plagiarists. These people don't know me and that's not their problem.
So here's what else happened AFTER all of that.
They emailed me the mp3 they claim I submitted, which
- does not contain my voiceover
- does not contain my mp3 tags
- does not contain the last two minutes of Flight of the Bumblebee (which were what I used for the audition piece, to synchronize with my spoken bit) but the beginning
It's my word against theirs. The only way I could possibly make a case for myself would be to involve anyone who heard my voice in the voiceover, which would make them the targets of these people too. I don't want that. It's been uncomfortable enough for me; I can't ask it of anyone else.
So I emailed them back, apologizing for getting so angry and telling them that I am grateful that I am no longer in the competition with a piece not belonging to me, whether I uploaded it unintentionally, as they contend, plagiarized it from Paul Velat (which some of the angrier people contend), or by some other means.
And now ... the punchline.
They then asked me to please set the record straight with my readers, to stop emailing their customer service with complaints.
After I finished laughing and gasping, "Oh, no, you DINNIT!" I am hereby complying with their request.
Stop emailing them. Stop complaining. Really.
I'm no longer in the competition, so it's not hurting them, and Paul Velat accepted my apology, so it's not hurting him, and I know I'm not a plagiarist, so it's not hurting me.
Case, as far as I'm concerned, closed.