givin

I always feel a bit guilty about not caring enough about Jim Morrison.

I guess I'm kind of picky about what I consider artful and what I consider "throwing a bunch of half-assed doggerel together to complete the high school English assignment."

It's the same sort of guilt when I have to admit to very pompous people, who know far more than I do, that I don't find Ernest Hemingway's content particularly interesting, and I feel as though his style was designed purposely to talk down to me, and not to speak to me.

I think the reason that I have guilt about either of these is that they both died pretty stupidly. I can't figure out any other reason for their significance. Does bad writing and worse deaths really contribute so much to the shape of literature and literacy today?

Sending a postcard in to Postsecret is, indeed, incredibly freeing.

Having them publish it? Not so much.

Because it's like that priest who hits a hole-in-one on Sunday. Really. Who am I gonna tell?

Here's hoping that something I say in New York next weekend gets overheard and submitted to Overheard in New York, instead.

Because, you know. It's important to have goals.

I think I will do a meme here, just to make sure there's a bit more content that's entertaining to at least one reader.

If you're not familiar with my writing, I may as well tell you that I have only one rule about memes: I tag no one. If you'd like to play along, help yourself, but don't feel obligated.

Also, if you have been tagged by someone else for the same meme, and you don't feel like doing it, reading mine all the way through renders you immune.

Two rules.

Sorry, I'll come in again.

Wrote a Beer Haiku.
Sent it in to Beer Haiku.
And, whoop, there it is.

Dear Public Radio Talent Quest:

I feel bad that you think I would be so deliberately dishonest. But you're nearly right. I had permission from [Paul] Velat to use any of his pieces on my podcast, but I didn't request separate permission to use them on this audition, and I certainly did neglect to credit him for it; and although the composition itself, by Rimsky-Korsokov, is uncopyrighted (which is why he himself chose to cover it), you are absolutely within your rights under the rules of the contest to disqualify me, and I deserve it.

That said, I would like to clarify your choice of the phrases "consists entirely" and "does not consist of any of your own work." I did use Velat's arrangement in the background, but the wording of my audition piece is entirely my own voice, in my own words, and I imagine, based on the poor reception it received from voters initially (including one person who labeled it "demonic") that Velat would be vastly insulted to have that part of the entry credited to him. That was absolutely my own work and not his.

I thank you for having at least offered me the opportunity to discover, very early on in this contest, that I am not cut out for the public radio industry and am nowhere near ready to perform for its audiences, nor yet would there be a place for me in that world. I do hope you will convey my apologies to anyone who thought I was silly enough to attempt plagiarizing my way into the field, and explain the above to them.

Sincerely yours,

Golf "Oh No Did Someone Really Get That Petty Over an Entry That Had No Chance in HELL?" Widow

---

Dear Public Radio Talent Quest:

It has come to MY attention that you haven't removed my profile from your website. If I am so very disqualified as you claim, why has this not happened yet?

Sincerely yours,

Golf "I'm Starting to Think That the Content Isn't What Makes Public Radio Suck So Much" Widow

---

On May 14th I received an email from [redacted; rhymes with Dick and a Stroke] advising me that my entry piece "[did] not consist of any of [my] own work" and was being removed from the site.

I replied that I had failed to credit the musician (though I had certain permissions from him to use his work) and agreed with my disqualification. I also expressed the hope that Mr. and a Stroke would explain to everyone involved that I had not deliberately attempted to plagiarize my way into the radio industry. I received no reply from him.

Meanwhile, I have come to learn that my profile has NOT been removed from the site and is still being hotly debated. Therefore, I can assume that Mr. and a Stroke also did not clarify that my "plagiarism" was unintentional and that I was not contesting my disqualification.

Obviously some people are raising their blood pressures and tempers over this topic a bit too much, and I would like to request that Mr. and a Stroke follow through with my disqualification and removal from the site AT ONCE.

Sincerely,

Golf "Will Everyone Please Get Over Themselves Now?" Widow

---

I did, finally, receive a reply from Dick and a Stroke on the 29th, assuring me that he had removed my audio piece but I was still more than welcome to use the profile.

What the hell for? was what I wondered. To encourage everyone to continue peeing their diapers?

I replied to his reply, asking him to please delete my profile, since I certainly wouldn't want to continue twisting everyone's knickers over what a filthy demonic thief they seem to think I am.

The contest had left the noxious flavor of "WTF?" in my mouth by the end of the very first week of voting. Some people's mothers never taught them to play nicely. I had no desire to continue in the race and had long since disengaged myself from it by the time I received the email that I had been kicked off the island.

I was, and am, very much "Who the hell cares?" about the entire experience, but I would like publicly to apologize to the Lord of the Yum Yum for forgetting to credit him on my audition piece.

I would also like to say that if you like to listen to the sort of people who would trash the competition in order to garner more votes and feel better about themselves, go to NPR. I'll be hanging around my podcast, myself, being me and having fun.

Oh, my gourd, there's MORE.

I read this blog post by a woman who got very supercilious about how all killing is wrong, from the smallest microorganisms all the way up to humans, and all the tasty bits of meat in between. She refused to hear any arguments to the contrary. Her opinion was not just an opinion, it was fact. Conversely, dissenting opinions weren't opinions either, they were lies.

So right now, her blog is loaded up with lovely pictures of cut roses in vases from her husband, who gave her roses over the holiday weekend and just got her two dozen more.

They will, of course, be DEAD in a couple of days. Did she not kill them, or at least have a hand in their respective demises?

I'm not questioning the motives behind her opinion. I actually find that kind of noble.

It's just her means of conveying it, really. I take offense at being told that my not agreeing with her means that I am wrong.

I guess I just sort of want to have the Triffids stop by her house and tell her they're there to defend their friends, the poor, dead roses.

Inspired by Rainbofro's Grape Gum Post, I have decided to do a themed search post of my own:

Search term "Carolyn Porco":

• Edge: Carolyn Porco
• Carolyn Porco - Wikipedia
• CICLOPS Public Website
• Why Don't We Do It In the Road? (Carolyn Porco in front)
  (sensez o hyoomur - syentists haz dem)
• NOVA - Voyage to the Mystery Moon

I have heard it said that Jodie Foster based her performance in the film Contact on Carolyn Porco. I think that's very cool, if it's true.

I got tagged by my favorite boatlady, Batten, who herself was tagged by Back Nine.

Here are the rules:

Tagged players post eight random facts/habits about themselves. At the end of your post, you tag eight more victims suckers newbs  people; they then write their list of eight in their own blogs and post the rules. Be sure to leave comments for your eight patsies losers targets invisible friends.

I don't tag people. I prefer to give anyone who reads the option of doing it themselves, or not. But I do try to fulfill tags if they happen to me, no matter how not crazy about being tagged I am.

Also, I made a rule some time ago that, if anyone has been tagged for the same meme and doesn't want to do it, reading mine all the way through renders them immune.

That said, here are eight random facts/habits about me, but since I've been tagged with variations of this meme over and over for the past few years, I'm going to make this one about sticks, just for a change.

1. My favorite clean joke is, "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?" (Answer: "A stick.")
2. My favorite variation of the above joke was told by an island woman of my acquaintance. Envision the following being told by a tiny woman with a lilting French accent: "And why does the boomerang not come back when he throws it? Because it was a stick!"
3. My second favorite clean joke is, "What's brown and sticky?" (Answer is, again: "A stick.")
4. I like the phrase "More than you can shake a stick at," but nobody knows for sure where it originated. Don't bother looking it up online. I already did. Even World Wide Words had a bunch of theories but didn't know which was right.
5. I like corn dogs, creamsicles, and those gourmet lollipops from Linda's Lollies.
6. I also have rather an unhealthy crush on José Jalapeño.
7. I'm not only always amused when the Mom says, "It's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick," but whenever anyone else says it (I heard actor James Cromwell use it in an interview once, for example) I automatically identify that person forever as one of the Mom's "peeps."
8. The Monty Python episode with Eric Idle asking the RSM (played by John Cleese) about when they will be taught to defend themselves against pointed sticks (instead of against fresh fruit) is adorable no matter how many times I see it.

Everyone who comments on Sunshine's Delurking for Autism post from now until noon (Thursday, January 17th), she will donate $1 per comment to the Autism Research Institute.

To sweeten the pot, Sunshine has an earring and pendant set for Autism Awareness that is brand spankin' new, still in the package (so you could give it as a gift if you want). If you'd like to be entered for the random drawing for the jewelry, say so in your comment; she'll be using Random.org to determine a winner. If you're not the jewelry "type", you still might want to enter, as Julie Pippert is donating this lovely book about autism from a sister's perspective and will send it to the winner of the random draw once Sunshine gets their name and address.

Again, even if you don't want to be in the contest (I didn't - I wanted to give everyone else a better chance), simply leave a comment to say hi, and add another buck to the total.