permanent solutions to temporary problems

I've found that the only thing you can do is love them and walk with them, or help them walk through one day at a time.

[Thank you for that. I want to throw down and there's no one to throw down against. -- GW]

GW: Yes, all you can do is be available and supportive. I've learned that when we respond to a call from the heart, we risk hurting too. Maybe that's why so many people stay away...to protect themselves. I will drop by. I am so glad you shared this. Hopefully others will respond too.

[Thank you. You're a gentleman and a scholar. -- GW]

You can be there for them in whatever way they wish. You can pray for them, with or without intercession. (Consider your grandfather. You know he has an "in.")

[I mostly have to find middle ground between asking for favors and not second-guessing ineffability. If I'm going to believe that the concept of evolution and intelligent design are not mutually exclusive, I also need to be able to believe that there is a plan but that said plan isn't always meant to go the way I want it to.]

[I know. Just, you know, not yet. -- GW]

I don't read Heidi faithfully, but pretty often and her life was already pretty much beyond anything anyone should have to go through alone. And then THAT entry. Whoa! It was stunning. I just hope her mental health supports are in place and ready to catch her.
I too just sat there after I read it...in shock.

[I'm just going to be as much unprofessional support as I can be for her, and hope that she'll utilize the professional support that's available for anything that the rest of us can't help with. -- GW]

Just be there for Heidi. That's really all anyone can do in a situation like this. She'll be okay. She's already shown that she knows when to accept help and that she reaches out wfor help hen she can't handle things on her own. It's just going to take some time. Be kind to yourself, okay? Guilt is a wasted emotion in this kind of situation. Trust me, been there, done that and that was 3 years of my emotional life I'll never get back. Big hug and much love. -J

[I heart you. I don't think I tell my friends enough how much they mean to me. -- GW]

i'm not a LiveJournal user, so i can't post comments there (and, i don't want to seem like some voyeur)... but, in your "conversations", let Heidi know that there are many others who know what she's going through, all too well... and she'll make it, in time...
...with friends like you, that is.

[I'm forwarding strangers' good wishes (anonymously with initials) as I get them. Thank you. -- GW]

this is a very painful post to read. i read once that suicide was the ultimate confession that life no longer made sense.

[Maybe this is weird of me, but life has never made sense, even when I was little. It's just something you do because you're here, like toying with the water glass at the diner. So I'll never be checking out just because there aren't any answers to my questions. There haven't been so far; why should I expect that to change?]

[A hug from Seraphine goes far toward curing a lot of what ails me. -- GW]

I've posted the link to this post, and the link to Heidi's blog, over on a few forums I frequent. She'll hopefully get lots of "mail that isn't bills". Both of these communities have recently been affected by losing someone, but hopefully folks will be able to donate a few dollars or drop a postcard in the mail.

All we can do is reach out, offer to help however we can, and keep in touch and let her know: she's not alone, she's not without resources, she doesn't have to carry this all by herself. And joke with her. And share happy things. And listen when she wants to talk.

But it absolutely sucks, feeling so helpless - doesn't it?

Just by spreading the word, by asking others to help her out, you're helping. Your making connections. That is very real help, never discount that. You **are** helping, even if you don't feel like you're able to do anything "substantial". You're helping. Your help matters.

[Thank you, not just for making me feel better but for helping to spread the word. You are one of the great people on this planet. -- GW]

you're right, GW. we are like water glasses on a table. the universe fiddles with us out of boredom, or simply because we're there.
"meaning" is something everyone has to find for themselves.
(yes, i'm an existentialist)

["'We are philosophers.' 'Though we may not be.'" -- GW]

Thank you for alerting us to this, and so feelingly, too. I went through and read Heidi's back pages this weekend and, just, my Lord. Both of y'all have been through so much. Am going to go leave her a comment now. You have such a big heart!

[It occurs to me that my big heart compensates for my big butt, in which case I'd rather be loving than thin. -- GW]

i think therefore i'm woman.

[Whenever That Man of Mine does something commonsense, I have to ask him, "Who are you and what did you do with my husband?" -- GW]

I cry for Heidi, too, because you cry for her.

[If you knew her, you'd know how profoundly, sickeningly unfair this life has been for her. Yet she not only hangs on, she shines in it. I wish I were as diamond-ish (sparkly and indestructible) as she is. -- GW]