the universe does not want me

You really want me to get started on the egregious excesses of food in this country?

[I blame Tony Bourdain, Guy Fieri, and Adam Richman. Everywhere they go eat something and do a feature about it on Travel Channel or Food Network, I'm like, "Oh, my gourd, I have to go there," and when I can't go to the place itself, I try to recreate it at home. -- GW]

My dear, thank you for so succinctly summing up my feelings about the universe. I do eat somewhat healthily, simply because I feel better. However...I didn't quit smoking. I have cut WAY down, not good but nonetheless, down. One of my favorite sayings, "Everything in moderation,including moderation." is how I try to live my life.

[I don't try to live that way because I know it's good for me. I try to live that way because I know good and well that, if I get shitfaced and gorge myself on crappy food, I'm going to feel sick.]

Enjoy your weekend, what is left. Tomorrow, I get to ride go-karts for the first time. How the hell I managed to live to 42 without doing that, I don't know, but soon to be rectified.

[I haven't been on a go-kart in, let me count, about fifteen years. Old Golf Widow is old.]

Oh, if you ever find it, try Woodchuck Hard Cider. They have a website and the stuff is yummy. Only apples, no added flavors and not as carbonated as beer. I'm spreading the word, because its my new favorite, lol.

Happy Sunday!

[I like hard cider a lot; I've never had that brand but I'll keep an eye out for it.]

Here's a secret...ok, lean in close...(whispering) everyone dies of something. Sure I'm trying to be healthier since my cancer diagnosis, but do I walk by the chocolate muffins without grabbing one? Hell no. Its true I try to do some healthy things, but what good is life if you can't bite into a big old sugary, highly caloric thing when you're feeling like shit? Its way better than depression medicine and it cost less!

[This is why I will be having barbecued brisket, full-sugar full-caffeine Coke, potato salad with mayonnaise, and white bread for lunch today. (Also baked beans, but since they're homemade, they still contain plenty of dietary fiber and are reasonably healthful, despite the beer and brown sugar.) -- GW]

That made me laugh -- if you want cotton:) ha ha ha.

[Every so often, someone will ask me how I got so sarcastic. It's hereditary. -- GW]

Nanci Griffith is the best. I saw her in concert once before she got famous.

[I just love her. -- GW]

I'm on board with that doughnut, as long as someone's willing to pick the bacon off of it first.

[I would do that. Because I am your friend. -- GW]

Maple syrup is one of the ingredients included in the master cleanse. I'd be willing to do it if it also included bacon and donuts, liquified, even.
Poison apple indeed.

[Something tells me I would need about three high colonics to get rid of one bite of all that awesome carby fatty sugary salty delight. And, no, I wouldn't bother getting rid of it. If you want to eat something that bad for you, you'd better really commit to it. -- GW]

i'm banned from anything even remotely resembling tasty.. my tri count is like 290.

*sigh*

[I think if I were you, I might say to my doctor, "Dude, I've had cancer. Do you think a little bacon grease scares me?" -- GW]

GW: Of course, this reminded me of the infamous story about Elvis Presley around 1976. One night he phoned his pilot (nicknamed Milo High) and told him to gas up his expensive private jet. Elvis and his entourage flew to Denver, Colorado where a chef prepared Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwiches deep fried in Banana Oil. Not exactly Emeril Lagasse fare. However, that said, "Thank you. Thank you very much". (I couldn't resist)! :D)

[The name of the sandwich was the Fool's Gold Loaf, and the restaurant was the Colorado Mine Company. Peanut butter, jelly, and bacon; no banana oil, but a lot of champagne. His personal cook used to make him peanut butter, honey, bacon, and banana sandwiches, but they were fried in butter. (I do a similar sandwich, but it's got strawberry jam instead of bananas and fluff instead of honey.) -- GW]

I thought fat, carbs, sugar, and sodium were the four basic food groups -- oh, wait, forget the carbs and substitute alcohol.

[I would not be averse to having this doughnut with Irish coffee (using Bushmill's as my whiskey of choice; Tullemore Dew a close second) or Mexican coffee (with Kahlúa).

I can hear the Mom on the sidelines now: "Be still, my heart. No, wait. Yours just stopped." -- GW]

i don't know if you're right or not about the universe.
on the surface, it seems uncaring and maybe even arbitrary.
but also i think nothing is lost; everything is recycled. we're part of an elaborate cosmic dance.
that maple bacon apple pastry has to end up somewhere.

[I believe we're the equivalent of tonsils or an appendix for a higher power. We absorb the maple apple bacon doughnuts so the larger entity is not poisoned by all that bad stuff. -- GW]

On the rare occasion when i get to watch Rich Man's TV, the Food Network is my favourite thing. What is it about watching people cook shit you'll never get off your arse to actually ever make yourself?

[It's meant to stimulate the economy, I believe. A construction worker might never have use for an $11 bottle of truffle oil, but if Emeril uses it, by gum and golly he'll go get some too. -- GW]